So what happens to your relationship once you have a baby? Most young parents say the same thing – if before you could spend the entire Sunday in bed indulging in each other’s company, well apparently after the baby everything changes. It’s no longer about you, it’s no longer about sex and it’s no longer about looking good and staying fit. But there has gotta be a way to trick this “natural progression”, which may seem inevitable at first.
So I decided to ask around and feature each month a new mom of the month who appears to be ahead of the game and find out how she does it. Introducing this month’s Sexy Mama of the Month Amara and her interview below:
Q. How long have you been in your current relationship and how old is your baby/kids?
A. I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 3. Our sweet little girl is 2 years old.
Q. What is your profession and do you work?
A. I own an espresso bar in the west end of Toronto. It’s funny because I opened the cafe just 6 weeks after giving birth to my daughter because we got held up with the permits. My pregnancy was all about renovating and setting the place up as my belly grew and grew, and then I was conducting staff interviews with her in a bassinet beside me when she was two or three weeks old, and we opened shortly after. It was hard at times but not having maternity leave is something you have to deal with when you are an entrepreneur. Now we have a great schedule where she is only in daycare 2 or 3 days a week and I am able to play with her the rest of the time. So owning your own business has its benefits as well!
Q. Are you happy with how you look? Is there a before and after baby difference?
A. I am happy with the way I look. It was strange to see how my body transformed during my pregnancy but I learned to just let go and gain the weight my body needed to in order to nourish my growing baby. I was able to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight fairly quickly and two years later, I don’t see a big difference overall from my pre-pregnancy body.
Q. What makes you feel the sexiest? As in what kind of rituals do you have for looking and feeling good that you absolutely cannot live without?
A. I love getting pedicures and my legs are smoothly shaved 365 days a year. It just makes me feel good. I also love having a bubble bath in the evening. It helps me reset and enjoy the evening ahead.
Q. What is your motivation to make an effort to look good? Some married women/women with kids stop trying.
A. When I look good, I feel good. I don’t own much loungewear because I don’t want to be tempted to wear it on a day that I’m tired. It takes me only a few minutes extra to put together a nice outfit and throw on some make up. I keep my daywear and makeup, simple but elegant and once you’re in the routine it’s easy to keep it up. My go-to look for the day is skinny jeans (with some stretch to them), a nice shirt, ballet flats, some under eye concealer, blush, and mascara. I keep my hair long because that way if I’m really rushed I can throw it up into a ponytail or bun and it still looks good.
Q. What is your weekly workout routine?
A. To be honest, I haven’t been able to find a workout routine that fits into my schedule yet. I have managed to stay fit and get back into shape by walking everywhere, and eating very well. We are a pretty active family too. We love to hike on the weekends with our dog and we play tennis when my mum is nice enough to babysit Sunday mornings.
Q. Do you find your sexual appetite has changed after giving birth?
A. Not at all. Right after giving birth, sex was the farthest thing from my mind. Ouch. Even after recovering from the delivery I was not happy with my body because I looked like a deflated balloon for a few weeks. It actually took about two months until I started feeling sexy again but my husband never rushed me and we got right back into the swing of things soon enough.
A. The bubble bath in the evening helps. It only takes a couple of minutes of solitude while I soak in the tub to reset. Washing off all of the food, paint, spilled drinks, and general stickiness you get on you everyday as a mum helps too.
Q. What was the most pleasant surprise he ever came home to?
A. Last summer a relative offered to take our daughter at the last minute overnight to visit her grandma out of town. I texted my husband and told him to meet me at a specific intersection that afternoon when he was finished up his work. When he called me from there I told him to then come to an address that was just around the corner. He walked into a hotel lobby where the concierge gave him a room key. He went up to the room and found his overnight bag and a note on the bed that read “throw on your swimsuit and meet me on the roof”. I was there waiting for him in the sexiest swimsuit I’ve ever owned, in the rooftop pool, with mojitos by my side. We had the best afternoon poolside and then went out for dinner, back up to the rooftop for drinks that evening, and then room service the next morning. It was especially fun because it was so spontaneous – something that is hard to do when you have young children at home.
Q. In your opinion, what are some don’ts in a relationship that kill passion? For example, some believe that each partner must ideally have their own bathroom and what happens in there should always be a mystery.
A. I think the best thing you can do to keep the passion alive is to remember to spend time together alone as well. Going out together as a couple is so important because you act differently in your parenting roles. When we are with our daughter we have to be very responsible and she is almost always the centre of our attention. It is different when we are out together and she is safe at home with a sitter. We are more focused on each other, we are able to let our guard down, and we so easily fall back into how we were with each other when we were first dating.